All Your Fault
by Captain Oz
Summary: Everything is Ford's fault. Slash, FordZaphod.


**Ah, just an angsty little slash fic. Inspired by my treacherous mind pointing something out- if Ford chose the name Ford to fit in on Earth, how did Zaphod know to call him that? Then this fic went wildly off subject, but that's me. I'm weird.**

You left me. That was the start of it, the start of everything. It was all your fault that I was left alone, without you. When you told me, we were lying in bed.

"I'm going."

"Where?"

"A tiny little planet. The Western Spiral Arm area, but the unfashionable end."

"What name are you going to have?"

"'Ford Prefect'. What do you think?" You grinned up at me.

"Hmm, suits you." I leant down and kissed you. "Ford."

You told me you'd only be a few months at the most. I waited for you. For so long. But you didn't come back. There were always rumours of your location, sightings of you on different planets, but you didn't come back to me. I hated you then. I tried everything I could to get you out of my head. Drink? Oh, I did that. I even invented a new drink- the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster. With the help of that I could forget for maybe a second. So it's your fault one of the most deadly drinks in existence… exists. Women? I tried them for a while. They liked me a lot. Did you hear what Eccentrica Gallumbits called me? 'The best bang since the big one'. I learnt everything from you, Ford. Hell, I even tried work for a while.

I became President of the Galaxy. Oh, I know, I was trying to find the man who ruled the galaxy, blah blah blah. That wasn't the only reason. I was looking around for ages, trying to find a reason for me to block off some of my memories, and this seemed like the perfect opportunity. So, I blocked off the memories of us together. But they kept on coming back. It wasn't helped by the fact that I was working with your boss. Whenever I met him I had those damn words thrust into my face, the words that had taken you away from me. I really started to hate that book, you know?

I knew you were on that miserable little planet. Being President means people tell you things. I went to find you. You were sat in a pub, the Red Lion. I should have known you'd find the nearest source of alcohol. You had your arm around someone. And you were smiling at him, the way you used to smile at me. I left then, wandered around. Found a party the next day and got totally drunk. No surprise there. He was there too. Your latest guy. I hated him, and wanted to hurt him. So I took the girl he was chatting up. If I'd been thinking straight I would have left her. She might have been able to get him, and then you would have been hurt. So it's your fault I took Trillian.

It's also your fault the planet got destroyed. You knew, when Trillian found the papers with my signature on them that I'd known about the planet, and you being down there. Don't know how you knew, but then you always could read me like a book. That was why I signed the demolition order. I knew there'd be a chance that you might die, and an even bigger chance that _he_ would die.

But you didn't, and he didn't. The two of you turned up on my ship. My damn ship. I saw you on the computer screen, and you said my name. My heart started doing cartwheels. Maybe we could be together again. It had been six months since I'd seen you with that guy, and I knew you were always fickle. But then you came onto the bridge, and barely gave me a glance before turning away. Was it guilt? Or just plain apathy? Didn't you care anything for me anymore? But you had _him _with you. There couldn't be anything with me and you while he was around. Of course that semi-evolved simian has never realised how much you want him. I doubt he ever will. You won't tell him. In case this happens again, and it's all your fault.

**Ok, please review. Before anyone asks, this is a mixture of the different incarnations. The Red Lion is the pub in the TV show, and I also got the bit where Zaphod sees Ford on the computer screen from there. The bit about the demolition orders is from the movie. I know it's rubbish, but don't hurt me!**


End file.
